


i'm all yours

by saraheli



Category: Block B
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-29
Updated: 2018-05-29
Packaged: 2019-05-15 15:32:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14793170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saraheli/pseuds/saraheli
Summary: You never thought of yourself as cruel, just someone who did what they pleased. Jaehyo might not even call you such, but any outsider who laid their eyes on what you were doing so would not hesitate to label you something even more unsavory. He, however, loving you, never fails to take anything you throw his way.





	i'm all yours

“Well, what the hell do you want then?”

Your friend scoffed at you, scrunching up her nose at your indecisiveness. Though she was whining about a drink at the bar, the question pummelled you into some dark place in your mind where you had crammed all the things you felt guilty about. All of those things had the same pouting lips and shiny hair and dark, melancholy eyes.

“Another drink, firstly,” you replied, tossing the remainder of your current beverage into the back of your throat, “And then?” You looked around the room and bit your lip at the sight of a nearby man in a suit, “him.”

Your friend giggled and said something, but it turned into shambles in your ears as you muffled your thoughts with the white noise and booze. Why did you keep doing this? You couldn’t know, but what you did know was that you wanted to hurt as much as you made him hurt.

He had been your rock. He had been one constant in a sea of changes and you knew that he would do anything for you. You knew every step you took punctured his heart, but he never let you see it until it was too late. Until he couldn’t take it anymore. It didn’t matter how much he loved you—sometimes, enough is enough, and, unfortunately, it took until after it was too late for you to realize you had gone too far.

Jaehyo had let you go a week ago. He had cried, but you had not. He had apologized, but you had not. The only thing you two had in common that evening was a broken heart, and now you missed him, but how could you ask for him to come back after all you had done? Did you deserve him if you might only treat him like a toy again?

So, that night at the bar, you let yourself forget. You let your brain turn to bitter mush in your skull and your body turn to a mewling mess of limbs beneath some stranger; you let yourself leave that dark place for one night. The next morning, you regretted all of it and had to force yourself to go into the office despite the pounding in your head and the bitterness pumping through your veins.

“Hey,” the girl in the cubicle beside yours tapped your shoulder, “not to be a jerk, but you look like shit. Are you feeling alright?”

You laughed at her bluntness and shook your head, “I, uh, I don’t feel too great but,” you shrugged, “it’s okay.” You made a mental note to do a better job of hiding your feelings; you didn’t deserve to miss him anyway.

“Are you going to answer me?”

You didn’t know what had come over you, what nonsensical force had made you dial his number, but now it didn’t matter. He wasn’t answering and your already messy eyeliner was running down your cheeks in lines of desperation and pigment that would ruin what had started as an innocent trip to the restroom. You dropped your phone onto the stone counter and swore as the call went to voicemail.

“I’m…It’s me,” you swallowed, “I’m sorry for calling. I just…I…forget it. I’m sorry.”

You felt stupid, but you assumed it was how he had been feeling since that night he had told you the truth. You felt like you were losing your mind, and you kept reminding yourself that this was what you got for being ungrateful for Jaehyo when he was there, this was what you—

Your phone rang.

“Hello?” You cleared your throat harshly.

“Why did you call?”

His voice was wrought with alarm, but you had to have known he would return your call. No matter how strong he had been that night he left you, Jaehyo still always melted to your touch regardless of his intentions or yours.

“I…I don’t know,” you admitted, sniffing hard, “I um, I just feel horrible,” you shook your head at yourself, “and I just want to talk. I don’t expect you to forgive me or anything like that, I just,” you paused, “I need to see you and tell you what I’ve been thinking.”

Jaehyo cleared his throat, and you knew that his better judgment battled with the jumble of emotions that lived in the pit of his stomach.

“I don’t know if that would be a good idea,” he said hoarsely, and that was the moment you knew he’d used up the last of his resolve against you. So, you took advantage of him one last time with a single word.

“Please?” 

* * *

Your coffee was cold by the time Jaehyo arrived; that was how you knew he’d been trying to stand you up. The key word was trying as he’d obviously failed, so there must have been something about your call that convinced him of your sincerity, or maybe it was that hopeful something in his gut that begged for you to be telling the truth, for you to need him, too. Regardless, it was remarkable that he had come at all after what you had done. All of the hiding and secrets and carelessness had shoved a pike of distrust between the two of you that you wholly feared could not be removed.

“You came,” you breathed, letting your gaze wash over his features. You were aching to touch him but knew that you shouldn’t. You needed the boundaries as much as he did.

“I don’t know why,” he said honestly, laughing at himself before returning his visage to its previous solemnity.

“Thank you,” you sat forward in your seat as if inviting him to sit across from you. He did not. “Um,” you cleared your throat, “I just…I had to apologize to you. For real. Not just some, half-assed I-need-you-to-stay apology, but like, a real one because I feel like shit for all of the things I did to you. I knew you would do anything for me, and I fucked it so hard because I could get away with it.”

You were trembling as you looked down at where your hands were balled into little fists on your lap. You knew Jaehyo was staring at you with that amazed expression he so frequently wore, but you couldn’t bring yourself to look at him.

“So, I’m sorry. I really am, and I don’t expect you to come back or for that to fix anything because it doesn’t, but I just wanted you to know.”

There was only more silence once you finished, and, though this unsettled you, you hadn’t expected much more. You told yourself over and over that this was all it was supposed to be: an apology. However, your body wouldn’t have it and it allowed all of that sadness from this new and somehow more final rejection to well up inside of you and spill from your eyes in hot water. Then, right then, you heard it and you swore that your heart froze with the rest of you at the three words that blew the clouds from behind your eyes and let you see clearly again:

_“I forgive you.”_


End file.
